lotta ppl wanted to know why i lefted..part of the reason was a deal i made before rejoining blt 2 months ago that didnt really go thru
but most was personal drama issue crap
this post is mainly to yoshiki lol you prolly didnt believe me per say but this basically explains what i told you friday
WARNING: much QQ to follow
oh and go fucking figure oichi joins after i leave.. im bloody pissed but im gone now so ill sit quietly in my vomit
iono what bullshit she fed you but she is a major part of the problem i described to you
(Oichi's mail)
there's many reasons i can give you for joining bl and why i never did before.
sure, yes, we've talked about rq and bl before and then i would have never thought bl was for me. it just didn't seem like a place that would make sense for me, and when i went to rq you weren't in bl and when you went back, yes, i did consider joining bl with you. don't get me wrong. but then i considered, hey, we just got out of delirium together and look what happened there. i wasn't ready to try again because i couldn't handle if something disastrous happened.
so i stayed with rq. and no, there's a lot i didn't tell you about my guild situation and what i wanted to do because i didn't want it to make you mad.
i've been considering bl for quite some time now. when i was ready to join, we were arguing so i didnt join because i didn't want it to seem like i was trying to crowd you. you never asked me to join bl with you (atleast, i cant think of a single time) so i didn't think you wanted me to join. i don't know, calll me crazy for thinking that. it's wrong apparently.
but we both needed our space then because we were arguing all the time. i just didnt think it'd be smart.
then, i wanted to join again and we end up breaking up. the entire time we didn't talk i had wanted to join bl but, again, i didn't want it to seem like i was jumping in your face while you had two other girls. nor did i want to be around if you were ever to talk about them.
i've thought this through many times.
no, i did not join bl because you were not there anymore. infact, yoshiki talked to me last night after i joined about you and i even told HIM that i was hoping you would come back and we could be in a guild together.
i talked about my move to bl in guild chat and said how my reasons for going to bl were entirely unrelated to the reasons why other rq members went there. because i do not know of whatever "plans" ex rq members made. i was already out of the guild when they decided this. i knew dddddfunLOL was going to leave, and iknew others had left before me, but like i've said i've been wanting to leave rq for a while now. not because we're losing territory like everyone else, but because i'm sick of no one ever talking things out. i'm sick and tired of so many problems in rq and that no one does anything to resolve it.
i joined bl way after everyone as well. like you saw, i was in a guild with beefums and i realized after being in rq and leaving for the reasons i did, it can't hurt to finally try bl. i mean, you loved the guild so there has to be something there. so, i joined in hopes of being happy with this new change and with hopes that you would join back and we can start over being in guilds together. you were leader in delirium, and yes i know you're an important role in bl but..i thought a lot about it and i realized it can't hurt to see what will happen.
well, now ..okay i guess it can because now you're mad at me and even hate me because i joined? like i said, nobody told me to.. nobody pressured me to and tbh, no, many people in rq are AGAINST people going to bl so no, i wasn't TOLD to. dddddfunLOL mentioned that he was going to bl before i did, and i told him i had been considering bl for quite some time now. i talked to another member and told them i was considering bl for a while now ..before any of this drama with rq happened.
like i said, nobody influenced me to join besides YOU. so why are you hating me so much over this? i don't understand why you are doing this..please tell me why?
i love you and i just want to be happy with you. i don't know how every little thing i do is always wrong, but i'm trying to fix it. i don't want to make you hurt anymore and i don't want to make you mad. please tell me what i have to do to fix this...because all i want is you.
(my happy ass reply)
me me me..me me me me me me me...
is why i hate you at this moment..
ive invested so much of my being to you..trusted so much of my heart
and soul to you..
there was a slight jealousy in the idea that you do things cuz of
other ppl but claim to love me so fucking much but the very last
thing..
you proved to be such a liar...if i take care of YOU you take care of
ME and that's how we'd last together..but since..far as i can remember
was delrium..its only about fucking you...
"yes i did go cuz of some of the ppl from rq are there" even that
bullshit screams "i wanna go be with ......" the person..th epeople
are irrelevant..
WHO you go for dont matter..its WHO you keep leaving behind...you care
so fucking 'much' about me you can only half assed HOPE to do anything
to make me happy...
ill never forget this..till the day i fucking die ill remember the
person who cared "so much about me" they couldnt do shit but show the
exact opposite in every decision they made and everywhere they went.
everything you fucking do is about you and how you feel and what you
want and now without any doubt i have proof and evidence that you dont
love me anymore than you're piss ass "feelings"
why the hate? ill give you the simplest fucking answer so even YOU
cant fuck this one up..hate for you right now is love so twisted by
pain suffering and fear...for so much time ive been kicked around and
hurt by your selfish intent..cuz you keep acting like you care so much
about me but shoving daggers into me every chance you get..EVERY
chance you get you fail me ..you arent even fit enough to be a
friend..i have people i dont even consider FRIENDS who show more care
than you..DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING PATHETIC THAT IS???
ive suffered for you so long i dont even recognize who you are and
you're too fucking dumb to even NOTICE you hurt me time and time
again..YESTERDAY..FUCKING YESTERDAY you're dumbass couldnt even
comprehend how we were SITTING THERE HAVING A CONVERSATION about how
much you pushed me aside for other shit..and during the convo YOU WERE
ENGULFED IN OTHER SHIT..and the thought never even crossed your
fucking mind to say "oh, give me a minute im busy..can we continue
this later..something happend" fucking NOTHING..and i no longer
believe its your dumbness or any form of mistake you INTENTIONALLY
ignore me you INTENTIONALLY push me aside and even if you dont realize
it its your fucking nature and instinct to do so..you arent fit or
even worthy of the loyalty and dedication i had for you and i refuse
to waste it a second a fucking millisecond longer
and fear...
my God fear..hope for you..and with you..has turned into a morbid
fear..no matter how much i love you im so scared of what new way
you'll find to hurt me..what new way you'll make up excuses..what new
guy you'll be caught seen with cuz somehow everybody else in the game
is able to have friends and grind partners..and not be confused as
whoring..but something about you and the way you are makes EVERYBODY
WHO SEES YOU think you're a 2 timing slut..and the fear of me looking
stupid cuz i force myself to believe you EVERY time..against my much
more superior and better judgements..cuz i love you and only
you...even when you hurt me and even tho i dont even want to love you
anymore...but i do..cuz it was so real for me..it was never some pass
by feelings for you..it was fucking love..and i have no doubt in my
mind now that you dont even want it. or that whatever thing you crave
so incredibly bad is so much more important than the love you just
lost.
lol now that's fear for ya
im calming down now so lemme try to answer any questions you might ask..
im going to kill the fuck out of you any and everytime i see you
yes you are blacklisted and dare i say it i think anybody who even
tries to ask me shit about you will be blacklisted and hunted down as
well
no, that's prolly not permanent but who knows..
whatever you claim you have for me i dont respect it or acknowledge
it as love and wont ever..its bullshit and you should probably
re-evaluate it before you dare try to respond to this..and honestly
think first if you really even want to. cuz the love you claim you
had for me seems so much like a fake lump of shit to me..and all your
words will too. so if you have no better explanation that "im doing
what i wanna do" and "yea marc, you're important too, but me me me
comes first" then you'll really just be wasting words..i advise you
save them
no, you dont gotta worry about me QQ-ing for you ever again..i
finished that after the supermanx bout. all the disappointment you've
been to me since then is honestly expected..you've been fail to me so
long..this time you've just run out of chances.
you're an awful girlfriend..and im so thankful i never married you..i
think the last time i wanted to ask you..i actually got a nasty
feeling in my gut the same way as everytime i was about to join
ragequit...like ..that s pecial "doing this will ruin your life"
feeling...
im still so unclear when we lost what we had..the memory of it is so
strong..i dont know if what happend is that you changed? or if you
were fake to begin with. i thought about myself alot these past few
months. and decided that even if it was me that changed..the love i
had for you and way i showed it never did..you were definitely the
weak link in this..and i feel the right is reserved to hate everything
you are now and today
um..i think im rambling but pretty much covered it so yea
bye
fuck you
(end rant)
Home 
. i see a love triangle, well theres 4 ppl involved dont know what to call that. player 
that is all
